Seren just learned how to do laundry and was putting away 2 loads she did herself when she expressed her joy: "Daddy's shirts used to smell like nasty man B.O. but now they smell fresh and clean!"
Me: "Great job!"
Seren: "WOW, Mom! My underwear smells fresh and clean too, now THAT'S a MIRACLE!!!"
Penny: "Seren, stop cutting my Hello Kitty, and don't even think about cutting me with those scissors!"
Seren: "These scissors couldn't cut anybody, Penny. Besides, I wouldn't try to cut you, trust me."
Evy (cackles skeptical laughter): "Trust YOU??? You tried to cut out my eye once!"
Seren: "Evy, that was with a *knife*. I wouldn't try it with these scissors."
Text from my husband about our 4 year old: "Xander can't spell his name but can spell butt."
We took a trip to the coast to unwind and stayed at a motel. Evy, my 12 year old, and Xander, my 4 year old, were sharing a bed. I woke up to Xander screaming and yelling at Evy in the middle of the night, but soon fell asleep after he quit.
Mike had insomnia and explained the situation over breakfast the following morning:
Evy ripped a very loud fart while she was sleeping, which woke Xander. Xander sat bolt upright, looked around at where the loud noise came from, discovered it came from Evy and Evy had his pillow.
Xander rips the pillow right out from under Evy, then proceeds to beat Evy with it while chewing her out by screaming. Then he lays on the pillow and falls promptly asleep.
The end.
I'm so happy I helped Seren with her spelling. She kept transposing the "s" and "c" in "insect".
Xander gets out of the shower and, since he's 4, I'm helping him find his clothes. While he's waiting, he pinches his nipples and says: "I have boobies!"
I correct Xander and say: "Xander, you're a boy, those are nipples."
Xander: "Girls have boobies!"
Me: "Yup."
Xander, slaps my 'boobies' and says: "They're BIG-ANTIC!"
Seren says, "Here, mom," and attempts to hand me a candy wrapper.
Me: "I think you can handle your own garbage; do I look like I trash can to you? DON'T answer that."
Seren: "Well, it seems like a legitimate question. .."
Evy, nearly 12 and a straight A student in Honors classes, gets out our new vaccuum (which is much like our old one) and expresses in frustration:"HOW DO YOU GET THIS THING TO WORK???"
Seren, 8, asks: "Evy, have you tried plugging it in?"
Evy: * facepalm *
Xander had to come and use my bathroom because there was a fly in his bathroom.
He didn't want to use his bathroom because flies like icky places and he was afraid that when he pulled down his pants, the fly would attack his butt crack.
So, in life, when you are faced with a "call of nature", consider whether your answer is a reflection of the fear the fly flying up your butt crack.
There are always options, brave the fly, use another toilet, or a bush.
But, it's not a valid reason to pee or poop your pants.
I received the best weight loss compliment ever today from my little Penny. I finally had to go shopping for new and smaller clothes today and took her with me into the dressing room. As I was trying on a pair of pants, and loud enough for all to hear of course, Penny says: "Wow, mom! Your butt crack looks WAY smaller!"
This afternoon's Serenism is brought to you by: It's doable!
We were out driving around when Evy said: Aww...Xander fell asleep on me!
Me: Welp, I guess that means when we get home, you'll have to sit there until he wakes up.
Evy: Mom!
Me: Don't worry, I'll bring you out some water.
Seren : And I'll bring you a bucket for later.
Last night's Serenism is brought to you by: Awakenings.
Last night after the kids' bedtime, I heard giggling in the bathroom. I opened the door to find Penny standing at the sink playing with the water and Seren standing in the bathtub behind the shower curtain, holding a pillowcase.
After they were busted, Seren said: I wasn't playing in the bathroom, Mommy, just Penny.
Me: That explains why I found you giggling behind a shower curtain, holding a pillowcase.
Seren: Well, I was trying to put it away!
Me: In the shower?
Seren scowls at me then puts the pillowcase in the linen closet.
Last night's Zany Xander moment is brought to you by : The logical order of things...
Xander to Mommy: Seren is being mean!
Mommy: What is Seren doing?
Xander (in toddler speak): Serenity push me on the bed, try to make me fall off! She try to hurt me, make me die, then I will go to the doctor!
Mommy: All in that order?
Xander: Yup!
This morning's Serenism is brought to you by: Don't open the closet; you'll kill yourself!
A few weeks back, it was Seren's job to clean the bathroom floor. We discovered *this* just now. She insists she put this laundry in the hamper and Penny was responsible for the laundry under the sink.
Me: You mean to tell me that Penny dug out all of the laundry you put in the hamper and shoved it under the sink???
Seren: (insert crickets chirping here)
I'm posting this to air Seren's dirty laundry and expose the 'skeletons ' in her closet.
Tonight's Serenism is brought to you by: The #1 lesson in marketing.
Seren was showing me the school lunch menu for May she had in her binder and all of the circles she drew to indicate her choice for that day.
She explained: Notice how on all of the days we're given a choice of a brown rice bowl. However, when you choose it, it doesn't come in a bowl and the rice isn't even brown! They just put that there because they want you to feel like you're choosing something healthy to eat.
Not to brag, but I think she's an 8 year old genius if she's already got that ploy figured!
So, we bought an older Ford Expedition a couple of months ago with the keyless entry number pad on the door. We bought it from a used car dealer, so no one had a clue what the code was to open it that way. Mike and I didn't care because we have the remote controls. Seren had the combination figured in less than a half hour. 8 years old...
Xander, my 3 year old, was running around back and forth, often playing with a very large mirror we have against the wall but near the floor. The poor little guy tripped and smacked his forehead against it pretty hard.
As I was picking up my crying baby boy to console him, I heard his 5 year old sister, Penny say, "It's not the portal he thought it was. .."
In an effort to participate in a discussion among the kids about the quantity and quality of Daddy's farts, Evy offers: It's Daddy's animal instinct to leave his scent everywhere he goes...
