Happened while the girls were getting ready for bed. Seren had changed into her bedtime clothes and was about to put away her dress she wore all day away (like a good girl) back into her closet to wear again.
Mommy: "Seren, don't hang that up. You wore it all day; it's dirty."
Seren: " Mommy, it's not dirty. I didn't pee in it yet."
I have learned two things from my children this week so far: 1) A spider must be smashed with something at least twice the size of the Smasher in order for it to die properly, 2) my little Penny has a sarcastic sense of humor.
This is how the events unfolded:
Item 1 - Penny informs me that Seren has a spider Evy (my oldest) had crafted and Penny wanted to play with it. I asked Seren to let Penny play with it. Seren tries to hand it to Penny, Penny pretends to be scared. Seren tosses it on the floor and yells, "Smash it, Penny!" Penny starts to stomp it with her foot. Seren: "Not with your own foot!!!" Seren grabs a very large stuffed animal, about her size, and begins to beat the toy spider with it. She hands the stuffed animal to Penny, which is about twice her size, and Penny pulverizes Evy's hand-made-from-odds-and-ends spider to satisfaction.
Item 2 - Seren was warned at dinner that since she wasn't eating hers while everyone else was eating theirs, she would be eating it while everyone else had ice cream. Penny comments to Seren in an attempt to rub it in: "Mmmm, Seren, enjoy your arse cream!" Mommy: "ICE cream, Penny." Daddy: "Dinner flavored ice cream, Seren." My two year old is sarcastic. I must be doing something right! Although Penny has had problems pronouncing "ice cream" correctly from time to time, I wonder if she purposely used the mispronounciation in this instance...
But nothing makes it better than a little toilet paper wrapped around it and a wild ride in the laundry basket, coutesy of Seren.
Xander passes gas. Seren: Mom, Xander farted. Me: Are you sure you didn't fart? Seren: I didn't hear myself fart. Me: Maybe yours are Silent But Deadly. (long pause) Seren: No, mine are silent because I squeeze real tight when I fart. Me: So, you farted and you didn't hear it? Seren: No, Xander did it. His farts are creepy. (changes subject) Mom, I'm itchy but I'm not whining. Whining is begging without saying please.
Not only could we save some money, but we could save some face as well.
Imagine what our neighbor diners must be experiencing:
Seren peels shrimp. Asks mommy,"What IS this?" Mommy: "It's shell." Seren:"No, it is its skin!" Evy: "It's GOOD, Seren!" Evy's plate has no trace of her shrimp nor their shells...
Daddy brings Evy and Seren some Crayfish. Penny pouts that she doesn't have one. Seren and Evy gladly donate theirs to her cause. Penny donates one to the floor. Penny holds the second while trying to retrieve the first with her foot. Mommy bumps Penny's hand. Penny throws the Crayfish and tries to climb out of the booth while screaming accusations that it bit her. Mommy and Daddy cannot contain their laughter and prepare to recreate the scene.
Mommy dismembers defenseless Crayfish to prove to Penny it is dead. Doesn't work. Daddy retrieves the one that "got away" and wound up on the floor and shoves a chopstick up it's behind to make it a prop (take note all you future heartbreakers). Daddy uses it at the girls' expense.
Finally, it's time to have dessert and Daddy dishes up the girls' favorite: green tea ice cream. Penny ends the evening with a loud: "Thanks for the arse cream, Daddy!" Mommy: "ICE cream, Penny..."
And Seren, wearing a battered Burger King crown, is screaming that her ears are bleeding because Cajun music is playing on Pandora.
Once the song is over, Seren begins to fling and blow ice water through her straw at Evy. Evy reports that Seren is now dumping it on Penny.
We all cheer as Penny tries to dump her own on Seren.
